piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
