I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Come on in and take your pants off
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