I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Alive.
So much puke
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
