Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just tell him i said nine months
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
