I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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