If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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