when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize