I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
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She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
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I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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