I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
