Already got asked if we're dating
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
