Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
