yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
