You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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