i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
