So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
