he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
