i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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