you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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