i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
