i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
And my parents said I crawled through the house
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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