apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My vagina is officially offended.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
