Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
