Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My vagina is officially offended.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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