He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
