I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
