The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
