i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
