I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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