You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
