Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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