so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Drunk is not a location!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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