Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
