So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
