i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
