Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
