He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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