"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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