I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
