I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
