I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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