Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
