I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The dick lei will go down in squad history
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
