This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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