your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
