The best revenge is premature balding
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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