Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
