my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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