I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
