DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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