make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
