Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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