Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
