haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
