I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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