Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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