soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
