the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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