On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Randomize
