I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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