So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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