I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
