I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?