It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.