I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
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Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?