My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
whose parrot is this?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
