Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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