I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
