the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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